Al Iddah- Waiting With Allah

Every baby girl born captivates her audience with the sparkle of love that radiates from her young eyes and as her life progresses, not only does she- the girl, the woman, devoutly bestow the gift of love on her family but so too does she ravenously desire it. As we page through the book of milestones in any woman’s life, undoubtedly her wedding day-her marriage would rank paramount. The day she began her life as a woman, with the person who gains the qualifications of being her closest companion, her protector, her caretaker, her lover and her best friend. And when that tragic moment transpires where she looses her closest companion, her lover, her best friend…it can only be defined as a multiple loss, an agony of indescribable proportion. What would it require to mend a heart that’s shattered into a million pieces? What would it require to stabilize a life confronted with a hurricane of change? What would it require to stop the ocean of tears from drowning one’s soul? Only Allah Subhanawata’la, the Creator of that heart, the Giver of that life, the Controller of those tears would know, would meet, would provide those requirements. And so Allah has commanded and decreed the best healer of all wounds…Time in Al Iddah-the period of waiting, waiting with Allah.

All Praises belong to our Kind, Our Wise Allah. He, Who, anticipated our every need and sent directions for our every course through “the mercy unto mankind” Nabi Muhammad (SAW). Like the rest of Allah’s injunctions and commandments, Al-Iddah or the period of waiting four months and ten days (and some circumstances three months) in the confines of the home is not without apparent and deeper benefit and indeed cannot be taken lightly. As Allah has stated, “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his/her duty to Him. He will make a way out for him from every difficulty. And He will provide him from sources he could never imagine. And whosoever puts His Trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.”(Surah Talaq, 2-3)

In today’s fast paced life, where nobody is truly given a moment to breath nor enough space to recover completely from any trial and tribulation, Allah still provides the time and the place for the fragile widow. In an attempt to educate us women and emphasise the importance of sitting in Iddah, while following all its requisites, I do believe that the most effective sentiments would be those shared with us by the widow herself. Allow me to introduce you to two very courageous widows, who through their acceptance of Allah’s decree and obedience to His commands have unequivocally displayed the Hikmat in Al Iddah. The first widow being my very own sister in law, Moonira Bulbulia Moosa, who after being happily married for eight years, lost both her husband and her baby in a tragic accident in 2006. However, her exceptional ability to cope with such a great loss can only be attributed to her notable resolve in fulfilling and obeying Allah’s command of Al Iddah. I don’t believe that I have heard the experience of Al Iddah and its need more succinctly, more beautifully explained. She shares, “The quality of a woman’s life after her Iddah is greatly dependant on the manner in which she had spent her Iddah. There is a great hikmat behind Allah’s law. For He Divinely excuses her from society by basically enforcing society to excuse her from everything and to allow her the time and the space to grieve. Everything needs time, this is Allah’s 100% healing process. Whereby a woman spends a great deal of time in solitude and in fact receives counseling directly from Allah. And like everything else in life, grief too has a cycle. The experience of such a great loss must proceed in its cycle of denial, anger, tears and finally acceptance. Then only will you be able to heal. Allah not only allows this time and space for you, He provides it too. It can be compared to someone who diets to lose that excess weight. She has to deny herself to a certain extent in order to shed those kilos. Similarly, a widow has to deny herself that freedom of movement for the Iddah period in order to shed that phenomenal degree of grief…to cry until she cannot cry anymore. For Allah processes your pain, brings it to a climax and heals you. Of course, since Allah is the Creator of that heart, the Creator of those tears, He knows what is Ultimately good for us. It is the perfect healing process.”

In an effort of affording hope to the fragile woman who has lost her husband, through death or divorce, can there be a more beautiful, more poignant story than that of Umme Salamah(RA). Umme Salamah (RA) was married to Abu Salamah. They loved each other deeply and were very happy together. However, as Allah had decreed, Abu Salamah passed away. Umme Salamah said, “ The Prophet (SAW) encouraged us to seek patience and recite the following dua, O Allah Recompense me for this affliction by giving me something better than what I have lost, and Allah would grant his prayer. I had been reciting this prayer ever since my husband’s death and I wondered who could be better than my Abu Salamah, till Allah arranged my marriage with the Prophet (SAW)” When the Prophet (SAW) requested my hand in marriage I said to him, “But I have so many children and I love them dearly and who will take care of them. Plus I am not easy to live with, I have a sensitive nature.” To which the Prophet (SAW) replied, “Allah will take care of them and your children will become my children. As to your sensitive nature, it will change when we have made nikah.” (Fazail ‘Amaal)

In conclusion I would like to now introduce Aunty Fatima Parak, also known as Aunty Fay, who infact requested that this article be written. Aunty Fay having completed her Iddah, after being married almost fifty years. She shares that no matter how long you’ve been married, no matter how old you may be, nothing prepares you for the shock of losing your husband. You don’t expect it, you don’t anticipate it. She shares with us her daily dua during her Iddah, “Ya Allah, calm my mind so that it can carry the burden of widowhood and Al Iddah. Ease my life by removing all difficulties that lay in my way and loosen the knot on my tongue due to my shock so that I can make tilawat of the Quraan and Zikr Ilahi, ameen.”

May Allah make it easy for those who have experienced such great loss and may He replace what they have lost with better. And may the Ummah of Mohammed (SAW) realize that there can be no better way than that of Shariah and Sunnah…where we trust, where rely, where we wait…Always with Allah.

My article from a 2007 Edition of the Muslim Woman Magazine

Rehana Shah-Bulbulia is a BA graduate, having majored in English, Arabic & Islamic Studies. Currently in the process of completing her honours in Islamic Studies, she is also the author of two books: The bestseller, ‘Falling In Love With Muhammad SAW’ and ‘Happily Ever After…Journey To Jannah.’